A (Warning) Letter to my Children

Dearest Children,

Every now and then I see a baby or toddler and I get… jealous? Nostalgic. I think about your sweet little baby chubs, smooching your little heads as I wandered around with you in the wrap, going to baby/toddler playgroups and story times… you were so cute. Those starfish hands. The fat feet. How you backed yourselves up into my lap with a book when you wanted me to read.

With Violet all long limbs and attitude, and the looming specter of Jonas starting Kindergarten in the fall, I’ve been thinking fondly of those long days at home with the babies.  The sidewalk chalk, the bubbles, baking cookies with my little helper, while Jonas watched from the highchair – I have this over idealized image in my mind. I’m pretty sure it’s the same one Joe used to have when he’d say “I wish I could be the stay-at-home-parent”, right before I started laughing at him.  Because, no, I haven’t actually forgotten what it was like. The crying. The destruction of my property. The poop – good LORD the POOP!  This blog used to be a chronicle of poop, now the only poop I need to worry about is my own. (Well, also whoever keeps leaving these little presents in the potty and not flushing. But I think that’s both of them. When they were toddlers they flushed that potty like it was their job. Flush flush flush. Now it’s like they’re worried the handle is made out of kryptonite or something. Flush the potty, please, children! Nobody needs to see that!)

I just remembered this was originally in letter form to the kids, and now I’m reminiscing and discussing unflushed turds. You see what you kids have done to me?

To the point – this week. Whoa, this week. It has been.. what’s the word? L-O-N-G.  I thought maybe I would be forced to kill one or both of you this week. Who’s idea was Spring Break, anyway? MTV’s?  Would someone please direct me to this post next year, and order me to plan a trip? I tried that whole “Staycation” nonsense this week, and it wasn’t real successful. You know what the difference between a VAcation and a STAYcation is? Joe. Joe would be with us out of town, and the ratio of terrorists to hostages would have evened up. As it was, I barely survived.

Here are some things, children, that you could avoid doing in the future if you don’t want me to A) kill you B) lose my mind C) start drinking “Mommy Slushies” by noon every day:

1) For the love of God, let me use the bathroom in peace. Please. You’ve already trained me to announce when I’m going, (because the world might just end if I DISAPPEARED for 3 minutes. I could be ANYWHERE! Nowhere! I’m not right there in front of you, you had no warning I would be disappearing like that – PANIC! So now I have to get everyone’s attention and say “I’m going potty. I’ll be back in a minute. Do you hear me? Are you paying attention? I’m. Going. Potty. I’ll be right back. I’m still here, just in the bathroom. See you in a minute.” and I feel completely stupid every. single. time.) yet every damn time you give me a 30 second head start (just long enough to be half naked and vulnerable) before the yelling starts. “MOMMY? MOOOOOOM? MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM?” and I’m sitting there thinking “If I don’t respond, it’ll just keep going until my skull explodes. But responding = screaming across the house while peeing which just seems ridiculous. It’s like they want my skull to explode.”  when you finally make it to the bathroom door “MOOOOOOOMMY?” and I can’t take it anymore “WHAT!???!!!” and then you burst in to ask…

Can I have some fishy crackers when you’re done in here?

Honestly kid. It’s like you don’t value your own life.

 

2) If you can’t play nicely together, then separate! It’s not rocket science! We have a 3000 sq ft house. You each have a room, there’s also a family room, a living room, the office, outside, my room….   There is no reason to stay within touching distance of one another all week if all you’re going to do is yell and whack each other in the head. Unless you secretly love to be yelled at and whacked in the head, in which case I think you and I can maybe work something out.

 

I have several more suggestions to help insure your continued survival, but I can hear you guys waging an epic battle on the other side of the house, so I’d better wade back in before someone gets hurt (or you break something, which would force me to hurt you. So, yeah, before someone gets hurt.) Try and behave yourselves, please? Please? And stop entertaining yourself by deliberately irritating me and your sibling. Seriously. It’s not cute.

Love you guys,

Mom

Down for the count

In the spring of 2001, and again in 2002, I got pneumonia. I remember a lot of breathing treatments, a lot of laying around, and one doctor that was really pissed at me for not rushing to the hospital sooner (I was out of the country when I lost the ability to breathe. Seemed easier to wait till we got home than to figure out the Dutch word for oxygen.)

After I got it the second spring in a row, one inspired PA gave me a vaccination to help prevent it happening every freaking year. That was in 2002. This is 2011. Maybe time for a booster?

Yep. The same bug that made Joe and Jonas cough and blow their noses for 48 hours gave me “walking pneumonia” (What does that mean? Walking? It seems a lot more like “No please don’t make Mommy get off the couch pneumonia” from here.)  Also a double ear infection. Because just getting sick for two days is no fun at all. You really want to milk these things for all they’re worth, people. Get your money’s worth.

Turns out there is a big difference between sleeping off the steroids with no kids then there is in attempting to sleep off the steroids with two terrorists in the house. I am soo freaking grateful for that PA who kept me from doing this during the baby/toddler years. I’m pretty sure it would not have worked. Someone would not have made it. Probably me. But even with one at school and the other *supposedly* old enough to entertain himself, this has not been a fun week.

For dinners this week, the family had 1) make your own PBJs, 2) bowls of Cheerios, 3) scrambled eggs and muffins (I was feeling fairly peppy that night.) , 4) quesadillas and edamame.  (Joe had a turkey sandwich instead. Somehow, he’s not as excited by edamame as the kids. Weirdo.)

The current state of the house makes its normal state look ready for a House Beautiful photo shoot. And if you have ever, EVER been in my house, you understand that that is really saying something. Toys and clothes and books and papers oh MY! Fuzzies all over the freaking floor because I snoozed through the vacuuming/swiffering this week and I have two cats and two wool rugs and that is four fuzzy things too many for a house with wood floors.

The kids, particularly the boy child, are starting to get a little wild. Not enough attention this week. Too much “Please just go play the Wii. Watch as much Bill Nye as you want. Maybe you could read a book? Somewhere else?” while I napped on the couch. He’s been asking me all week to play board games, only to be rebuffed. Poor, sad kid has mastered playing Trouble against a stuffed animal (especially pathetic when he loses to the dog.) He’s started acting out (more than usual! I know! Who could have guessed there was another level of this?) for attention, and I can’t say I blame him. I do resent the hell out of it, though, as the guilt is making it hard to enjoy all this napping.  (It’s not making it hard to have crazy weird dreams, though. Yesterday I dreamed Aaron, Suz, and I were flying in a biplane over the Everglades. Despite the facts that A) none of us can fly and B) I’m pretty sure it’s called a BIplane because only two people fit in it. I’ve clearly heard too many “flying the airplane over the Everglades” adventure stories in my time.)

(Aaron was the pilot. Suz and I spent most of the dream yelling. Good stuff.)

I had to admit to Joe the other night, it’s almost gratifying to watch everything fall apart because I took the week off. I’ve never been great at keeping things together, the house is plenty messy when I’m 100%, we eat breakfast for dinner more than your average family, Jonas probably gets too much Wii time for his developing mind, etc. But without me? Just look! Havoc! Chaos! Turns out, I’m doing something around here after all!

Just not today. The couch is calling my name. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I’m terrible at keeping a straight face.

I have a sign in my kitchen (of which I tried 38 times to get a good pic. You’ll have to use your imagination.) that says

National Sarcasm Society

(Like we need your support)

I don’t usually buy manufactured art, but when I saw this… well. It was obviously meant to be mine.

It’s been hanging in the house for many months now, first in the family room and now in the kitchen. Violet has commented on it before, (“Oh, you bought that because you are sarcasm?”  Nice.) but tonight over dinner she said the following, which caused me to snort maple syrup. (Yes, we had pancakes tonight. Yes, we probably have them for dinner more often than you. No, that’s not the most shocking dinner revelation I could lay on you. Try this one on – Joe had BEER and pancakes for dinner. You’re jealous.) –

 

“Is that last word society? Or soshitty?”

 

Honestly. I don’t know who approved Joe and I as parents. It was a long, long time before we could answer her. She would have gotten a more coherent answer had she asked Beavis or Butthead.

So shitty? Really? I could have died, people. Choking on a pancake is no laughing matter. So shitty.

I am sarcasm.

Terrible Blog Entry

This is not a story that will translate well on the blog. This is going to be one I can tell in person, but attempting to describe the actual facial expression used is useless. I need pictures, not words. This is where I selfishly use my blog to capture a memory for myself, not to really entertain the masses. So, sorry Mom.

 

Last night Jonas slept in a Super Mario Bros pj shirt and a pair of boxer briefs (CUTE!)  This morning it was chilly, so I suggested he get a pair of “soft pants” (AKA sweats, AKA the only pants Jonas wants to wear, ever) on before heading out to breakfast. He came back in with Buzz Lightyear pj pants on, all excited.

 

J: Now LOOK AT ME!  I’m covered in SUPER HEROS!

Me: Um… where? Are you wearing Spiderman undies or something?

J: No! Look! (gestures to his entire body)

M: Mario and Buzz? You think they’re super heros?

J: (And here’s the facial expression that I will never, ever be able to describe with words. It was so full of disdain, he may as well have had the word DUH blinking on his forehead. He could absolutely not believe I would ask such a stupid question.) Uh, YEAH.

M: But they have no powers! One’s a plumber and the other’s a space ranger. They’re not super.

J: They’re called the SUPER Mario Brothers! And they save people! They’re heros!

 

That was the sum total of the argument, because he shook his Buzz-covered tush right out of the room after delivering his closing line, complete with another “My Mom is such a moron” face.  Considering the time I ran into the road to save his bacon, not to mention the years I spent magically making the food he needed to survive, I think I’m gonna go ahead and start filling out paperwork with “Super Hero” where it asks my occupation. I’ll just get Jonas to roll his eyes at anyone who has a problem with it. Who needs radioactive spiders, anyway?

He speaks the truth

We’re attempting to play Taboo with the kids. Violet has played it in her gifted class before, and when she spotted it in our board game cabinet she got all excited.

I don’t  know if there’s a Taboo Jr. out there, but I’ll have to  Google when I’m done with this. The game itself is something we can all do, the kids get the concept, but the words are a bit difficult. Hearse? Orchestra? Wealthy? What are the chances of Jonas ever guessing these words?

So, instead, we’re doing this cooperative play “everyone works together to try and get Mommy to guess the word” version of the game. Violet has her hand on the buzzer, waiting for Jonas to say one of the taboo words. Joe is helping when needed. I am guessing. All of this was to paint the picture, so you guys can appreciate the following exchange….

Jonas looks at the card, thinks about it, then says “Mommy. You are a person like this.  You are this.”

Me: Beautiful? Fabulous? Awesome? Super fun?

Jonas: Here’s another hint: Daddy is the opposite of this.

Joe: ……..   (I wish I had a picture for of his face here. It was awesome.)

Me: Smart? Funny? Not smelly?

Jonas: She said smart! Can I say smart?

Violet: BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Me: Intelligent? Genius?

Jonas: INTELLIGENT!

Joe: …………………………..

CTRL Z

– Jonas drops his powdered donut on the floor. Chaos ensues. The following conversation happens about five minutes later….

Joe: Jonas, you drop that thing on the floor again, and I’m throwing it away. (Yes. We totally let him eat it off the floor. What? Do you have any idea what my grocery bill would look like if we never ate food that hit the floor?! It would cut my shoe budget in half!) Throwing. It. Away. And then it will be time for bed.

– turns towards Violet –

And that goes for you, too, Viol…… (spots her empty plate – V doesn’t mess around when there are powdered sugar donuts to be eaten) Disregard.

V: Disre-wha?

Joe: Disregard. It means “forget the last thing I said.”

Jonas: Daddy? I love you.

Joe: Aw………..

Jonas: DISREGARD!

I guess we know which team I’m on.

Yesterday the temperatures rose, the sun came out, and we had a perfect beautiful amazing day. It was 71 degrees with the brightest, bluest sky I have ever seen.  The kids kept asking if we could watch a movie/play a board game/play Mario Kart/whatever and we kept telling them no. Go play. Run. Enjoy it, because it won’t last (today = rain rain rain. Tomorrow = rain rain lightening thunder rain. Wed = 30 degrees. Thurs = snow? I’ll believe it when I see it.)

We were at the park, running around, when an impromptu game of dodgeball/tag/Calvin Ball broke out. Everyone was running and throwing and tackling (that was mostly Jonas) when Joe yells out “Ok, let’s break into teams. Boys VS Maynards!” Violet does not even take a breath. She does not need a second to think – her response is immediate:

“Aw! I don’t get to be on a team?”

 

(Lesson to be learned – you can try to burn Violet, but you will probably fail. Better luck next time, hon.)

Lacking witty title.

Last week Joe cleared everything out of the kids’ craft cabinet to give it a fresh coat of paint. The jumbled mess of supplies got dumped into a laundry basket. The painting was finished over the weekend, and I promised to organize everything and put it back neatly then.

It is now Wednesday night. Laundry basket – still overflowing, still on the floor in the family room.

A  few minutes ago, I was about to take the trash out when I saw George moving toward my unguarded bowl of cereal. I cursed at him, picked it up with my free hand, and looked around for a safe place.

Joe: Here. (opens fridge door) Stick it in the fridge.

Me: Thanks!

Joe: Yeah – he’ll never find it in there. Now, if I wanted to hide it somewhere you’d never find it? I’d put it in that laundry basket in the family room.

How could I not love this man?

Glad I could amuse you.

Jonas (from another room): When you come in here, I’m gonna SCARE YOU!

Me: What? Why?

J: I can’t tell you how, it’ll ruin the surprise and then it won’t work!

M: Yeah, ok – but why? Why would you want to scare me?

J: Because it’s really funny when you scream like a little girl!

“Successful year” my butt

On Jan. 1st, WordPress sent me this email –

 

Happy New Year from WordPress.com! To kick off the year, we’d like to share with you data on how your blog has been doing…

We think you did great!…

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 3,700 times in 2010. That’s about 9 full 747s.

In 2010, you wrote 15 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 367 posts. You uploaded 3 pictures, taking up a total of 70kb.

 

They said more stuff, and had some links, and even a pie chart. The depressing thing is that number of posts. Really? 15? All year? A whole year just disappeared there, while I was “too busy” to blog.  You know what I wasn’t “too busy” to do? Post on Facebook.

Hmmm…

 

People! I give you… my FB posts, from May – August. (Why, when I ask for “My YEAR In Status”, does it start in May? Was there some change to the calendar that I’m unaware of?)

May –
Grandpa is in the house! He got to bed around 1am, woken up at 3am for a conversation with Jonas about how much better it would be if it was morning so they could get UP and have FUN, then woken up for good at 7am by two excited and *loud* children. Eh – he can sleep when he goes home.

Have been waiting in a 400 degree waiting room with an increasingly bored/restless/bitchy Violet for over an hour. When we get home, I’m sticking my entire head in the mojito bucket.

Yo – just in case you are, like me, too dumb to figure this out on your own – “Buffalo Cheddar” popcorn is freaking spicy. Don’t feed it to your kids.

Just introduced the kids to DQ’s chocolate-dipped cones. Am currently greatest Mom in the world. Sorry, ladies.

Whoops. Totally didn’t mean to run that stop sign. Especially with that cop right there…

This morning I’m taking Madam to visit her friend w/ CF, who’s in the hospital again. Here’s hoping we can cheer up Brinna, without freaking Violet out too much. It’s a delicate balance.

Visit went great! They played checkers, looked at all of Brinna’s presents, then she climbed back into bed while V read her some books. Cute.

Joe just received an invitation to join the AARP. They even sent him a membership card, with his name on it. All he has to do is call and register it! Welcome to the AARP! Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

Joe is now seriously considering joining the AARP. “They have great deals on cruises!” Uh, you think? Again, I say “BWAH ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!”

Just bought the kids a shower curtain with the periodic table on it.

Violet’s eye appointment was at 3pm yesterday. We were out of there by 4pm. This morning? Right now? Her eyes are still dilated. What. The. Hell.

Nurse says this is normal, and that her eyes will look like that for three days. Three. Days. Here’s a thought – WARN the parents of this as they’re leaving your office, don’t let them freak out and make the kid late for school while they track down this info the next day. Geez.

is wondering what the heck I’m supposed to do when Grandpa Vic leaves tomorrow – play with the kids myself? Exhausting!

Joe is on top of a ladder, which he’s put on top of my car, in the front yard. Let me see if I can make this clear – he drove the car onto the front lawn, put a ladder on top of it, and is climbing up. The neighbors must think he’s crazy. They’re right.

Jonas woke up at 6am and has been completely insane ever since. Also? It’s supposed to pour all day. Momma needs chocolate.

Front yard swing – great success!!

Watching George of the Jungle with Jonas. We’re both enjoying it, but I feel like a bad person staring at all these tan muscles while snuggling the boy.

Two things I learned this morning – #1 Jonas is allergic to penicillin. #2 Jonas never tested positive for strep, and there was no reason for him to be taking antibiotics all week, anyway.

Rainy Saturday morning + both kids sleeping till eight = bliss.

is at the fair, and is quite possibly melting.

Waiting for Joe, the kiddos, and the grandparents to get home. From Chuck E Cheese. Suckers.

Jonas has outlined our plan for the day. First, we swing. We do lots and lots of swinging. After that we’ll be hot, so we’ll swim. We’ll swim and swim and swim. When we are bored of swimming we will come inside and bake a lemon pie. It’s good that I have him as my events coordinator – I’m pretty sure I could not have done better myself.

Every minute past 5pm that Joe is not home, I get a minute closer to locking myself in the bathroom and eating pancakes.

Joe just called me for no real reason, and when I attempted to politely make conversation he let me know that “The longer I’m on the phone with you, the longer it will be until I get home.”  Huh.  Maybe this is why I didn’t struggle like so many watching the Lost finale. When you deal with mysteries like this on a daily basis, figuring out which reality is the real world doesn’t seem so tough.

It’s possible I left one of the sprinklers running for more than 12 hours, flooding the flower beds, lawn, and sidewalk. Heh.

Bringing my stress level down through liberal amounts of chocolate shake and fries.

is at the salon, considering blond. It seems to be that kind of week.

Oh, beauty school. You are dead to me.

(I had forgotten the terrible, horrible beauty school dye job. Eeesh. You get what you pay for, people.)

That was fun – there were a lot more Lost posts, and a lot, a LOT of bitchy whiny posts about waiting in waiting rooms. That was back when we thought maybe V had a brain tumor, but turns out she just gets migraines like her Momma, poor kid. We logged a lot of hours in hot, crowded waiting rooms. Doctors in Shreveport can MAKE the appointment, but they can’t HOLD the appointment. (That didn’t quite work, but you get my meaning.)

Next!

June –

J and I are waiting at V’s bus stop, which is basically right across the street, in our car with the a/c on. Because we’re wimps.

is seriously considering lemon meringue pie for dinner. It’s a toss-up between that or an ice cream sandwich.

At the bowling alley with my boys. Jonas is, by far, the most adorable thing in here (sorry hon!)

has successfully served leftovers for dinner, freeing me up to eat what I really wanted – Mini Wheats. Mmmmmm.

The glow from Ikea really dulls quickly once you get home and have to assemble the stuff.

Jonas just recognized the periodic table at the museum. “Hey! That’s the elements!” Me: That’s right, baby. Hey – what is an element, anyway?  “Elements are the ingredients for the WHOLE EARTH!”

Oil in Ft. Walton = frantically looking for a different vacation destination that is A) family friendly B) mostly underwater (July is not the month I like to explore cities, zoos, etc) and C) somewhere between Shreveport and Orlando. CURSE YOU, BP!

Just had the most horrifying conversation about child predators w/ another parent at the bus stop. I won’t be letting the  kids out of my sight for a while. Like say the next 20 years.

Jonas just told me that I am in charge of deciding what’s for lunch “as long as it’s not broccoli.” Drat. So much for my evil plan.

Overheard, just now, from the family room: “I farted at you, Violet.”

is torturing Jonas by forcing him to play with toys, instead of the Wii. The whining is getting pretty unbearable.

Jonas is playing with the four mega-blocks that somehow missed the garage sale. When we had 400? Zero interest. Now? “Mom? Are there any more of these?”

Someone found my blog by googling “fat tummy kids”. Huh.

Left the house without shoes. New personal record for airhead behavior.

Just walked into V’s room. Joe and the kids are in there, with the black-out curtains drawn. Violet is wearing a flashlight on her head. Joe is holding a globe. Jonas yells out “Mommy! Violet is the SUN! And when this earth gets allllllllllllllllllllllll the way around her? IT WILL BE MY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!!!”

Violet just ripped the original towel rack off the wall. The thing survived 50 years worth of families, but was no match for The Destroyer.

Oh, farmer’s market peaches. You complete me.

Just noticed the sprinklers are still on in the front yard. 2 hours ought to do it, yeah?

Just napped for an hour while Jonas played games on Noggin.com. Not my finest moment in parenting, but at least I feel like a human being again.

Sitting on a swing under the big oak tree, eating a strawberry-mango popsicle. ❤ Summer ❤

Nobody can stretch out a trip to the public restroom like Jonas. I can feel myself getting older in here.

Violet wandered out of her room 20 minutes ago in a wedding dress, and asked Joe to marry her. He responded by putting on a suit – tie and everything. Happy Father’s Day, babe.

New personal record – sprinklers ran for 3 hours this morning. May be time to look into one of those timers.

is stalking the driveway. It is not making Joe’s car appear any faster.

might have to kill Jonas today.

Getting a pedicure with my girl. Joe’s home playing catch with the boy. Gender stereotyping? What?

Pregnant sister is insisting that her shorts shrank in the dryer. Hilarity ensues.

Another good month. I know what’s coming next, and I somehow want to warn my past self to try and hold onto the fun of June. July was pretty lacking in fun (except for that first week. It was all downhill after that.)

 

July –

has checked into the very luxurious High Springs Country Inn, and is eating dinner across the street at the Fleetwood Diner. Nothing but the best, baby!

Off to freeze our asses off in the springs! Happy 4th, peeps!

On the road. Everything has a price, and the cost of this vacation is two days in the car. Wheeeeeeeeeee!

GPS has randomly chosen to send us on the scenic route through Alabama. Will be stalking Amazon for a replacement when we get home.

GPS now thinks we’re off road. This is alarming, considering we are actually in the middle of nowhere, Mississippi. This could be bad.

Now Violet is farting over and over and over in the backseat. To review: backwoods Mississippi, possible alien abduction, closed car full of 6 yr old farts.

Home now. Pipe burst – house flooded. Everything destroyed. Who wants to come help us lay 1500sq feet of new wood floors?

You know what’s fun after 8 days of hotel living with two small children? Checking into another hotel.

is working through my stress with Skittles and HGTV. So far it’s been a remarkably effective strategy.

Me: “I just finished painting that wall!” Guy cutting wall in half: “Well, it was really good paint, if that’s any consolation.” You know? It’s really not.

managed not to kill the children tonight. This feels like a major accomplishment after the day we had.

Must have been a very bad girl in a past life to deserve painting this house again.

Officially, I’m reading a book while V watches Camp Rock. In actuality, I’m really concerned that this girl won’t get to perform at Final Jam.

Jonas is wandering around in Batman undies and tube socks. It’s a good look.
Waitress ID’d Joe, then refused to serve him beer when it was discovered that he’d left his wallet at home.  Too bad he didn’t have his AARP card on him.

 

(Not included – all my status updates about my freaking esophagus closing up. Who’s esophagus DOES that? Like I didn’t have enough going on? Man, July sucked this year. Attn: July 2011. Do not suck. Please.)

 

August –

just had to walk away from Super Mario Bros Wii before I threw the remote and had a tantrum like Jonas.

is tired of having to get up and get dressed at 730, and then not being able to go anywhere all day. How many more days till the contractors and done with this house?

I don’t care how old you are, or how careful you plan on being – if you are working in a room with exposed tack strips, you should be wearing shoes <– Jenn’s tip of the day.

Slept in my own bed last night for the first time since June, and it rocked. Carpet goes down in 2 hours and then we are done done DONE!!

New carpet – awesome, yet stinky.

Carpet – installed! Kids – going crazy! “My room! My room! It’s finally BACK TO NORMAL!!!”  I am barely restraining myself from joining in the squee-fest.

Classified under “things that seem obvious 6 1/2 hours later”: a triple espresso at 7pm is a lousy idea.

Kids and I are having nachos for lunch. Standards seem to have slipped a bit this summer.

Violet is wearing a white long sleeved shirt, white leggings, white dress, white socks, white shoes, white floppy hat, white eye shadow, blond wig, and frosty lipstick. She says she’s a super-spy, and when Daddy gets home she’s going to spy on him “without him even KNOWING that I’m THERE!”  Huh.

At open house and Jonas’s school and he’s freaking out. I guess he was expecting same room, same teachers, same kids. He looks like a deer in headlights.

Rounded out the morning of torture by taking Jonas for vaccinations. There will come a day, I’m sure, where he will figure out what is going on BEFORE the guy starts sticking him with needles. Honestly dude – you’re lying on an exam table with your pants down, eating a lollipop, while Mom acts more interested in your rundown of favorite Blue’s Clues episodes than ever before. Something is obviously UP.

Kids and I are eating ice cream instead of lunch. Yay summer!

Jonas went to bed without a pull-up last night, and woke up dry this morning. He followed that trick by not only behaving himself at school (first day), but helping the teacher with the new/younger kids. (“Some of them didn’t know how to sit criss-cross-applesauce, so I had to show them. Miss Mary made me the line leader so I could show them how we walk to the park.” Etc.)

Cannot wait to hear how the first day of first grade went.

Jennifer Moore needs to go shopping. Jonas Moore needs to have a gigantic temper tantrum for no reason. This is not a winning combination.

Raiser your hand if you served pbj for dinner!

You would think that after the obscene amounts of Mario Wii Joe and I have been playing, we would be experts at it by now. This does not seem to be the case.

Is off to take Jonas to his first tumbling class. Should be interesting.

Now watching Violet’s first tumbling class, and hoping my poor, uncoordinated kid doesn’t break anything out there.

 

And that’s all I’ve got for now as A) this blog entry can only be so long. Suz has to be able to read it between feedings and B) I’m having to transcribe these all by hand and my typing muscles are freaking worn out. Honestly, the things I do for you people….

 

(BTW – I just farted at you.)