I’ve been a parent for more than seven years now. Five of which include being a parent TO JONAS. So believe me when I tell you – I’ve tried a *lot* of different discipline strategies. I have rewarded good behavior and punished bad. I have taken away toys and privileges. I have sent people to their rooms, or to “the boring chair” to reconsider their actions and think about how they should behave in the future. I have administered the occasional whack to tush, despite how politically incorrect it felt (when your son has just peed on the carpet where you sent him to time out, and then let you know that THAT’S WHAT YOU GET! for sending him there… well, more time out just doesn’t seem like the way to go.)
At some point, all of these have worked and none of them have worked. You know what always works? Every single time? Counting. Saying “I’m going to count to five, and if you’re not (in your seat/in the car/out of the car/ back in the house/etc) then you’re’ in big trouble. One…” gets immediate results. Can someone explain that? What is so freaking threatening about me slowly counting to five? I see it work all day every day around town. Moms everywhere are counting at their children, and said children are running around like industrious little ants – trying to get done whatever it is they’re supposed to be getting done. The only thing that is more consistently successful is walking away in public “Ok! Well, I’m leaving! Bye!” That will get their attention in a hurry. I’ve seen it work in other languages, as well. Small Italian child won’t leave the park, mom walks away saying “Ciao ciao!”, kid runs after her. It’s a global phenomenon.
This post has been all over the place. The point is this – you never know what is going to work. Sometimes they will continue to act like monkeys despite your very real threats to give their brand new DSi to Goodwill. Sometimes simple counting gets them to clean their room when nothing else does.
Which brings us (slowly. I know.) to The List.
This week was amazing. Staggering. Unprecedented. This week – wait for it – Joe and I (seriously, I almost can’t get this out… ) Went. Away. By. Ourselves. Yes, you read that right. We left the children behind and went to New Orleans for three days. Aloooooone. It was amazing. We went to art galleries by day and bars with live music by night and never once worried about bedtimes or whether this restaurant had a kid menu or if it was irresponsible of us to have more than one daiquiri. It was a m a z i n g.
This incredible feat was brought to you by my parents, who agreed to stay and watch the kids while we were away. I wondered how it would work out. The kids tend to fight fight fight yell scream push hit fight when they’re both in the house all day every day, and we were basically leaving the four of them in the house for three days with no breaks from each other. Could be disaster. Hopefully not, but no guarantees. I told Mom to separate them as much as possible, and if they couldn’t play nicely together they could play alone in their rooms. I also told the children that if I got home to stories of hooliganism, they’d spend the entire weekend in their rooms. I would deliver their meals, they would stay put. I told them if they thought about fighting, they should try to think of that instead.
Apparently, as soon as we were out of the house they started pestering Mom, wanting to know if she was “going to tell” on them. How much was she planning to disclose? How good did they really have to be?
Enter the list. If they displayed particularly horrible behavior, it got written down. If they then managed a feat of good behavior, the bad would be erased. By the end of the three days, anything left on there would be shown to Mommy.
I’m on the phone with my mom on the second day, and I hear Jonas come up to her to let her know that his mess was put away, he’d brushed his teeth, and his pj’s were on. He asks if he can erase something from the list, and she says -
“Sure we can. You want to lose the time where you were using your robot arm to grab Mommy’s new table even though I told you it might scratch? Or the time I asked you to go outside and get your sister and instead you locked her out?”
I’m totally starting my own list. It’s blogging GOLD.
I’m flummoxed byt the counting thing as well. My husband uses it more than me, but it gets the same result every time. “One…” “I DON’T WANT YOU TO COOOOUUUUUNT!”
Why? What’s so scary about counting?
Maybe it’s the Count on Sesame Street? He’s like a scary vampire, that counts. The list was pretty genius. You gotta give the woman credit where credit is due. I’m super glad you guys had an awesome 3 days of child-free bliss. I’ll have to remember to do this before my kids are 7 and 5.
All during the 3 days Violet would ask me, “Do I have anything on the list?” And even 2 days after her parents had come home she still asked, “Did I have anything on the list?” It was powerful <3
I’m going to drink the blood of one child ha ha ha… two, two children ha ha ha.
LoL, Aaron.
I once taught 2nd grade for about 9 months. Whenever it was play time there was this one kid who would be on the carpet playing ‘It’s the end of the world in Fiiiivve…Fffooour…Threeeee…Twoooo…’
Maybe its like pre-programed into their brains?