About three hours ago, Violet and Joe had the most ridiculous conversation in the car. The kind of thing that inspires one to blog for the first time in a month. The kind of thing that has you repeating everything they say, trying to commit it to memory. Not, however, the kind of thing you *actually* remember three hours later, when you have the chance to record it for posterity.
I remember the best parts. I remember V insisting over and over that she was “speechless” (a concept she seems to not actually understand), but I can’t for the life of me remember the original insult. The spark that started it all. What could Joe have possibly said to her that she couldn’t come up with a smartass response?
I asked him, and he looked at me like I’m the idiot and told me this is what the voice recorder on my phone is for. I snuck into her room 30 min past bedtime and asked the sleepy Twink, but she was useless (she also, it should be noted, took great exception to being called “useless” at 8:30pm. “I ALWAYS have to remember EVERYTHING for you! You’re old lady brain is what’s USELESS! You’re upset when I can’t remember ONE THING Daddy said? When I’m supposed to be SLEEPING? USELESS?!!!!!” Maybe I will consider using that voice recorder in the future. Jeesh.)
So you don’t get the first line of dialogue. You’ll have to imagine what one could possibly say to this kid to stun her into (pseudo)silence. But don’t imagine it as being *too* unbelievably smart and witty – it was Joe talking, after all.
.
Joe: (something incredibly, mind-blowingly, shockingly funny and insulting)
V: Wow. Really, wow. I’m… I’m speechless. I don’t even know what to say back to that. I can’t even think of words to describe how angry I am that you said that. There is no good way to tell you how I’m feeling. I have nothing to say. I’m totally speechless. I can’t even talk I’m so angry….
(This continues, unabated, for a full three – five minutes. Joe and I have the following conversation in the front seat, while she continues to describe – in detail – how she lacks the ability to describe anything. It’s amazing.)
Me: She’s speechless.
Joe: Yet talking.
Me: For real. She doesn’t seem to have a real firm grasp on the whole “speechless” concept.
Joe: Probably? This is the closest we’re gonna get.
V: I mean REALLY! I can’t even THINK OF ANY WORDS!
Me: Yet she keeps saying them.
Joe: It’s pretty impressive.
V: There is NO WAY to tell you what I think about that! I’m SPEECHLESS!
Me: Remember when she used to talk in her sleep? I wonder if that’s still going on.
Joe: You think being unconscious stops her?
V: I seriously wish I could describe to you how I’m feeling. I’m too angry to even tell you. There is no way I could ever tell you how I felt about that…..
.
Speechless.
