The exciting thing about this whole motherhood gig is that no matter how long you’ve been at it (four years on Monday – how did that happen?), you are still a rookie. An amateur. A newbie. Still in training. C L U E L E S S. (Of course we can never, ever, EVER let our children catch even a HINT of this truth. Teenage Jaynie – if you are reading this… it no longer applies. I know everything. Go do your homework.)
At this point I’m an old hand at kissing boo-boos. I can make a peanut-butter and jelly in 2.6 seconds. I know Goodnight Moon by heart, and which slides at the park I need to stand at the bottom of because Jonas flies right off the ends. I can tell at a glance if something is going to fit them (whether it says 2T or not. Honestly – is universal sizing so much to ask? Are these vanity sizes? For toddlers?), and if Jayne *actually* napped, or just hid out quietly till the agreed-upon time. I can change a poopy diaper without ever inhaling, grocery shop while playing “shape searchers” with Jonas and helping Jayne find the right coupons, and fix dinner with a whiny toddler strapped to my back. Most of the time I feel like I’ve got it together.
Then I let both of my children, within 12 hours of eachother, PUKE ALL OVER ME because I wasn’t fast/smart enough to stop it.
This is only the second time I’ve been the Mom to a puking child. All my years (I know – Moms of older kids are laughing at me. But 4 years seems like a long time from here.) of service, and I’m blindsided by my total lack of experience. I vaguely remember toddler Jaynie with a stomach bug – sooooo sad. Sooooooo long ago. So when she woke me up at 6am yesterday screaming, yelling that her belly hurt my belly hurts it hurts my belly HURTS, I stood there blinking at her (really should have gone to bed before 1:30 – had I only known…) until she sat up and bleeeeeeeeegh. Good morning to me.
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12 hours later I’m laying in my bed next to Jonas, reading books. He starts coughing and it has a kind of blerpy sound to it, and I’m just laying there thinking “That doesn’t sound good. That almost sounds… suspicious. Like maybe he’s going to throw up. Hmm, Jaynie threw up this morning! I thought it was something she ate, but I guess it could be a bug. And now Jonas has it? Huh – he really sounds like he’s going to…”
BLEGH.
(So much for having a cute dress on and looking nice when Joe got home.)
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The good news is that an hour later when he did nothing suspicious, made no weird noise, no burps, no coughs, nothing… I suddenly hopped up, grabbed him off the couch, put a bowl under his mouth… and caught the next wave. Excellent. So maybe I’m a slow learner, but I am learning. Learning to listen to that inner Mommy voice when it says “RUN! NOW! DANGER DANGER! THIS IS NOT A TEST! GET THE BOWL!”
Bring on the next disaster. I’m ready.
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(No I’m not. In fact, if the next disaster could wait until JOE is alone with the kids? That would be great. Thanks!)
